Sex Addiction: What is Honesty?

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Sounds like a simple question…For many sex addicts lying is or was a part of life.

In the throes of unhealthy obsessive and compulsive behaviors, we have to lie to keep feeding the addiction and hide from everyone the shame and feelings of worthlessness and guilt.

The first path of recovery is to become rigorously honest. Yes, for a long time, you’ve been lying, lying to keep your secret safe, lying about what you’ve been doing, lying about who you’ve been with, and just lying for the sake and habit of lying. For many of us, we think we were honest with people in our “regular” life and we just lied to protect our secret.

You can choose to lie or choose to be rigorously honest.

Honesty is “fairness and straightforwardness of conduct, sincerity, adherence to the facts,” according to Merriam-Webster. It’s about telling the truth, always being trustworthy, when for too long we’ve been untrustworthy.

Most sex addicts have been lying to their friends, family, employees…everyone in their lives. They have broken the laws of society and the laws of nature. The laws of society refer to speeding, cheating on tests, on taxes or stealing.

The laws of nature pertain to how we treat ourselves, our relationship to our definition of God. And by the way, don’t get caught up with the word God if you don’t believe in God or don’t have a God or have a different belief.

What’s important is that you don’t hurt others anymore and you are honest with yourself first. When we stretch the truth in relationships and with colleagues, employers, friends and family, we’re lying and going against our own true nature.

What if you received more change than you should at a store and kept it? Well, the addict says, “They made the mistake so I’ll keep it”…breaking the laws of nature. In recovery, we realize the cashier will be responsible and it’s plain wrong. We seek to live right.

I used to spend hours cruising the streets in search of prostitutes. The lies I told my wife ? where I was, how late I worked, how bad traffic was ? elaborate lies.

It was difficult keeping the lies straight. So many lies…time to stop lying. Or I’d be up all night looking at pornography on the Internet and then telling colleagues, friends, family, I was tired, not feeling well, up late for any reason other than what I was really doing. It had to stop!

I remember I used to create a persona about myself that I was wealthy, had more than I really did and had achieved more than I really had. I did this to feel better about myself and to let others think I was more than I really was. That’s breaking the laws of nature by lying.

It’s time to begin, and I say begin the journey to being truthful, honest and trustworthy; character virtues all humans should ascribe to, part of right living.

In recovery, we must now choose to become honest with:

  1. Ourselves
  2. Our families
  3. Our friends
  4. Our society
  5. Our “God”
  6. Nature

The first Step in becoming honest is to admit I have a problem. And then define the problem. By the way, if and when you decide to work a 12 Step program of recovery, which I feel is vital to this entire process of recovery, you’ll find the principle behind Step 1 is Honesty.

What are your thoughts about Honesty? Comment below or share with others.

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