Sex Addiction: What is Resentment?

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Last night, 11/27/12 on the 12 step recovery talk radio show, Recovery Radio Raw,  Indian Bob and I were discussing the third and fourth steps. Bob asked me how I dealt with resentments. I replied, I didn’t really have any resentments to deal with when I worked the steps. I didn’t blame anyone for my predicament or my addiction. Most of what happened in the wake of my destruction was my doing. Mine and mine alone.

He then asked me if I held any resentment toward myself. I initially replied no. I then thought about what the word resentment meant, looked at the definitions which says resentment is displeasure or ill will at something regarded as wrong insult or injury. I like the Wikipedia definition which says resentment is the experience of a negative emotion felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done. I especially liked the words real or imagined wrong done.

I believe that for many sex addicts, some of the resentment they hold, is toward those where the wrong was imagined. Of course there are many situations in a sex addicts life where there was harm done to them by others. They may have experienced real trauma and abuse. They are very angry at and feel so much hatred, anger and other negative emotions towards those who often times did horrible things to them.

So looking at the definition of resentment, I realized  I did experience negative emotions of anger and hatred at my disease and what it had done to my life. So, then in fact, I did hold  resentment toward myself, since I was angry, felt worthless, out of control, shame, guilt and powerless…Those are all very strong and powerful negative emotions.

I was angry and hated myself for what I had done to myself, what I had done to others and possibly what I had done to society as a whole. Based on these negative emotions and resentment, I owed it to myself in the process of recovery, to apologize to myself. In the process of recovery many wrongs need to be made right.. I believe that sex addicts have hurt themselves and have been angry with themselves. therefore it’s necessary to forgive ourselves and to be gentle and loving as we move through the process of recovery.

How do you feel about forgiving yourself for any resentments you hold or have held against yourself?

Please comment below and share your thoughts.

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