Why Do Sex Addicts Keep Secrets?

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The simple answer is sex addicts keep secrets because they have to. The feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment and fear of discovery take them deeper into isolation and they pull away from all other aspects of life due to the overwhelming need to move deeper in their addiction.

At first the secrets start small and start to expand and intensify as the experimentation, masturbation to pornography begin to grow.

The sex addict expands and intensifies their sexual desires, behaviors and “acting out” causing more shame, guilt and bad feelings. So they isolate more and more and begin their journey to their personal bottom which is where many sex addicts decide they need help. A bottom can be discovery, arrest, “sick and tired of being sick and tired” or a number of other life situations where the addict is just sick of the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social and other negative effects on their life and decides to seek out help.

The shame of the behaviors is the basis of the secrets. The feeling of “if you knew what I’ve been doing” you wouldn’t or couldn’t love me. The secrets then fuel the shame and then the shame fuels the addiction. This creates an unending cycle for the struggling sex addict. As they act out, they then feel shame and guilt and fear. this causes them to feel so bad, so low, they need to feel better so they begin the acting out behaviors all over again so they can achieve the high of orgasm, release…only to be plunged into the dark abyss once again.

When a sex addict has no where to turn, no one to trust, they have to keep the secrets to themselves. It is best to allow someone struggling to let the secrets out without any judgment or resentment of any kind. If they are able to start sharing their secrets with trusted friends and or loved ones they begin their journey in recovery to a place of health and sobriety.

What do you think about keeping secrets? Please comment below or share



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